9. Pick targets that nobody cares about, like novelists or cartoonists.
8. Don't leave behind any DNA. Cover your entire body with duct tape ahead of time. (Note: make sure to leave holes for at least one eye and maybe a nostril.)
7. Do not live-Tweet the crime. #amateurhour
6. Have no motive. (Does not having a motive count as a motive?)
5. Don't kill anyone in any place where you have ever been before. (Bring a GPS. It's easy to get lost.)
4. Never tell anyone what you did, except for your girlfriend or wife. I'm sure she'll understand and keep your secret, right Mr. Drinks Too Much?
3. Do not purchase your stolen, untraceable gun with a credit card or personal check.
2. Never post a blog entitled '10 ways to get away with murder.'
1. Don't kill anybody. Yeah, that's probably the best way. Go play a video game or something.
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